So before I begin, I’m going to be blunt. I had an itchy butt and I thought I had worms.
I can only imagine your face as you are reading this and I know you are thinking “My god internet sharing has sunk to an all new low” but I am not just over sharing, I am coming to a point.
I need to plead my case that I am not a dirty person at all. In fact I wash my hands so much in the day I have cracked hands. I shower like everyone else; daily and sometimes twice daily. And after my twins were born so prematurely and I had to sterilise my hands every few minutes to just be around them, I carried on this habit at home. I AM CLEAN!
Before you get up on your high horse, it is estimated that about 10% of the Australian population at any one time has worms and most people will have them at some stage in their life so of course I thought I could.
All you have to do to catch worms is touch something that someone else who has them has touched and then put your hands in your mouth. Malachy had been scratching his bottom and I assumed it was just nappy rash. And needless to say, he is 2 and doesn’t wash his hands as much as me. So despite my cleanliness, I do kiss his little hands often and therefore I am pointing the finger at him. Blerk.
So now I have justified that I am not as feral as what you may have first thought I will continue…
When I was about 19, I had moved to Melbourne to live in a share house with my 2 friends. I was a typical young girl and had “inspirational quotes” all over my bedroom. Ironically, my eyesight is so bad that I couldn’t even read the quotes to be motivated or whatever the heck I thought they were there to make me do. Nowadays, the thought of how cheesy I was makes me a bit ill.
Anywoo, my younger brother, who didn’t live in Melbourne, stayed one night on the floor in my room. He must have looked around my room and gone “Oh dear lord, my sister is a wanker.” In fact, I knew him well and I am certain that is what he would’ve thought.
After he left, I was in my room and noticed another note stuck on my wall. This is it:
It stuck out straight away because the messy, blue marker scribe was very contrasting next to the perfectly written, black pen writing of my own. Clearly he had stuck it up on my wall to take the piss and it made me laugh. Each day as I got up and looked over at it, knowing what it said, I would smile. In hindsight, it conjured much more emotion than any of the other stupid quotes had.
My brother passed away in 2010. As he was nearly 19 himself, my mum and dad kept most of his belongings. He left me a ring which he bought for my 21st birthday and this ridiculous piece of paper. I was so paranoid about ruining this last piece of paper with his writing on it that I boxed it up in between some hardback books and eventually forgot where I had put it. Until only a week before my bum started to itch, I went out to the garage looking for something else and found it!
I was so excited over this simple and yet revolting piece of paper, I ran inside to show my partner, Liam. It encapsulated his personality so much
Nevertheless, I have come to realise his words were not only sarcastic but actually had more insight than I first realised.
When my bum started to itch I was mortified. Not only that, O-M-F-G it is disgusting but also, I would have to tell Liam as it is recommended that everyone in the household takes the medication.
I was standing in the shower, scrubbing the life out of myself when Liam came in to do his teeth. I thought, “Here you go Annie. now is time to tell him while you are sparkling clean.”
Me: So Hun, I have something to tell you.
Liam: Yep, what is it?
Me: Um, I think, um, I might have worms? Maybe? Might?
Liam: Oh, okay. Well we will have to be treated then I suppose?
Me: Yeah, I will go get the stuff tomorrow.
And that was it. No “gross”. No judgement. Totally unfazed. In fact later on that night he even wanted to spoon me (he is a bigger person than I am!)
Is it that I have totally broken the poor guy and he is unperturbed by anything I throw at him now?
It got me thinking. Love is a wondrous and beautiful thing. But when someone says “I’m in love with X” does that mean they are totally willing to love every bit of that person? Does that cover the disgusting scenarios that life sometimes throws at us? Because lets face it, no one is immune to some vulgarity in their life. Or, is there love and then there are things you should keep to yourself as that person might judge you or be repulsed by you or have changed feelings towards you? Does love cover worms? In the words of my brother, “I have worms… who will be there for me?”
Who will be there for me when things get gross. Maybe there is a reason that women poop in labour? After all they would only bring the person who would really be there for them into the room. Their Husband, their partner, their mum, their sister and maybe even their Dad?
Did my brother have a point that something as common but as grotesque as worms could be the scale for which someone loves you and accepts you? I know it seems ridiculous but it is easy to hold hands, have dinners together and kiss a lot. However, life isn’t all that.
I think his silly piece of paper that I once saw as hilarious may actually have validity to it.
Maybe you don’t agree? However, I know that I found this piece of paper only days before itch and then my love was confirmed again for my partner. All be it through the subject of worms. I got the medication and we are 100% free of any questionable worm parties in our rectum. I made new friends with worming tablets and reaffirmed my friendship with hand sanitiser. And finally, I fell more in love with my partner who loved me regardless of my worm status.
PS- I embarrassingly got myself checked out by a doctor and I didn’t have worms! We didn’t even need to take the medication. Turns out shaving near your butt creates an itch too :-/ (yes, more information you didn’t want!)