Dior can’t fix it

This piece was reposted from my instagram page @uncannyannieblog

 

This is a photo of me last night, having a breakdown.

Pink wig, my favourite Dior op-shop score from New York, a big smirk on my face and peace sign… yet feeling like ratshit on the inside. A feeling I’d felt for a while.

We often have a perception of what mental illness looks like. Someone who can’t smile, can’t get out of bed, struggles to get dressed (I have done all this too) but sometimes it’s also the person trying their best to fake joy. Even someone that seems to be “functioning.”

For the first few years of battling mental health I thought, “I just have to get through this and it’ll be over.” Now I’ve come to realise it’s something I’ll most likely have to manage throughout my life.

I’m not depressed or anxious every single day. But the metaphorical tide goes out and I’m well. Then it comes back in with an overwhelming tidal wave which stays for a while, and I feel exhausted from trending water. Sometimes it feels far too hard.

I started the year so positive. I was kicking goals and getting shit done. Then I felt the wave coming in again. I still kept my head above water. I was proactive and got help. Even joined a gym (which is out of my character to say the least 😆)

But unfortunately I just couldn’t keep up with the waves coming in and it didn’t help a few incidences topped me over into the depth of the water.

However, just like the waves that do go back out again, I have found myself feeling better today (with a shitload of friends that saw me struggling in that water, and grabbed my hand…unlike rose did to Jack in the Titanic, haha) .

I know some people want to open their social media and feel inspired or fabulous or happy from what they see. And I don’t think this post is what they want to see?

But I want people to know that mental illness can present in various forms. That I will NEVER give up. I’ve done it before, I can do it again. That not even a vintage Dior suit can fix this shit. And yeah, it DOES get better and maybe in two weeks I’ll be functioning like a bloody superstar but that’s all part of living with it. Stay strong people with mental illness. I feel you. Xx

[visual description: I’m wearing a pink wig and yes, the skirt of my Dior suit. Also a black blazer and big puffy 80s shoulders. Bianka is standing behind beside me… typically having my back. I’m standing on one leg the other is kicked up, I’m giving a peace sign with my fingers and I have a smile on my face… ironic, hey?!]