“I’m SO happy that I’m not pregnant!”
-said no one on the Internet ever.
Because to many in society this still appears to be selfish. It appears to rub it in the face of people that can’t or struggle to have children that often sacrifice all their emotional energy, finances, health and even relationships to try to have one. It appears to value work, money, and social life before family, and many still believe being a good person or a good woman means going without. It appears that the children I already have must be difficult or as their mother I’m not coping. And well, people love babies. Telling the truth that you don’t want one or you don’t want anymore isn’t cute or fun.
But the reality is that most of the sacrifices that have been made for my family have been by me. That isn’t undermining what my partner has done or had to sacrifice. But this just is the reality in my family and in many other families.
Another baby would mean more pressure on me physically and emotionally. It would mean delaying my ambitions again. It would mean more time out of study and work (and for me, no maternity leave.) It means more pressure on my friendships.
I have been the primary carer for my children because that is what was best for my family at the time. But I am not ready for another child and more pressure.
My daughters are now just over 3 years old. The implanon in my arm lasts 3 years. I had it put in straight after I had my daughters.
I had this realisation the other night as my heart nervously fluttered out of my chest- not in a good way. I had been complaining of sore boobs for the last week and the minute you feel you could be pregnant, it is amazing how you start over analysing all the potential signs your body could be giving you. I lay in bed, in the dark, with my eyes open, trying to run maths equations in my head and figure out if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I visualised my life with another baby, what it would mean for my family and what it would mean for me. I became worried. It wasn’t until the shops opened in the morning that I could get a test and see. One line appeared.
And without trying to offend anyone, “I’m so happy I’m not pregnant.”