My Fanny

Note: I use the word “fanny” in this often. If you are from places such as the USA, the word fanny is used to talk about vaginas in Australia. Not bums. The misunderstanding is comprehensible given that the “fanny”, like the penis, has many different names.
It is fairly often that people cry out “oh you are so politically correct” to me. Usually I eye roll and couldn’t careless because I try my best to have fun without offending people or being an ignorant douche.
So it is rare that I am on the other side of this. However this time I have found something that I find way too politically correct: Vaginas.
The other day a popular blog I follow wrote “fanny” and I couldn’t believe the comments. “Oh I hate that word. Please don’t use it.” “You should really use the anatomically correct word for it: vagina” “Stop! That is an awful word to say. I really don’t know what I am going to call it when I have a daughter.”
I should also mention she wrote “balls” in the same sentence. There was tumble weed rolling down the street of conversation surrounding calling them their “actual name.”
Why is it that fannies have become so “politically correct”? Why is it that when we talk about balls, doodles, bums and even boobs no one really cares?
Why is it that fannies are so serious and can’t be fun? From experience, they are fun! They do all sorts of wonderful things, more so than many other body parts.
Yeah, sex is one but they also birth babies, and wee. Which when you are 3 and have held onto a full bladder all the way home and urinate in the toilet to be rewarded with a sticker on your toilet training chart – it is SO fun! I have even seen them smoke cigarettes. I mean, no I haven’t. That never happened.
Anyway, I understand that teaching your children the anatomically correct word empowers them, educates them and helps shake the stigma surrounding them and shame little girls are often made to feel about them. But if my daughters want to talk to me about their vagina and use “fanny” to explain to me what is going on, cool. So be it.
Seriously though, why can’t we do both? Can’t we explain the technical terminology and also the nicknames? We nickname everything in this country! A head is a cranium but also can be your noggin’. Your toes and fingers are your phalanges but are also your twiddly sticks and they are sometimes pigs that say “weeee” all the way home. Your vagina is also your fanny and that is cool too. And while we are at it lets teach our children with penises and testicles their proper names too.
And all those screaming that it should be called a “vagina,” well no. Not really. If you are going to get scientific and specific, I think what you are talking about is the vulva. Which is also fun to say: vulva, vulva, vulva! Ha! It puzzles me that we don’t mistake which is the testicles and which is the penis. Maybe we do need to say vulva more?
Additionally, some of these people went on to say they didn’t like either name: fanny or vagina/vulva. They said they called their’s: peach, hooha, fifi, mini and whistle to name a few! Ever so cryptic if you ask me, especially as most of those are already objects or names. I would probably assume everything is sexual innuendo after a while and that would definitely get me into trouble. Plus, if my husband asked me if he could “suck my whistle” or “eat my peach” I would seriously go looking for a whistle and a peach. And that would be very disappointing!
So can’t we just accept that Fanny is a legitimate nickname for vuvla? Can’t we use both? Like when I am happy with my kids I call them their nickname and when they have written on the walls I say their full name. Can’t we do that? Can’t we call her Fanny for fun and then “Doctor, my vulva’s being a pain in the…well… the vulva. I think I have thrush?”
Maybe I am biased because my name is Annie and my nickname is Fanny (rhyming names is glorious when you are in year 2.) But did you know that the meaning of the actual name “Fanny” in Latin means “free one”? So let’s do it! Let’s free her!

annie sucking a peach

Me, sucking a peach.